What Is Gentle Parenting?
Why define gentle parenting
Before I get really deep into any of the topics here I wanted to describe what it means to be gentle to me. Even though I may mostly talk about being gentle in reference to parenting this can apply within all.
Gentle Parenting defined
Gentle parenting is a relationship-based parenting style that seeks to discipline (teach) in a way that strengthens the relationship between parent and child. This parenting style seeks to share in the power through collaborative problem-solving.
It meets children (or all parties involved) where they are at instead of expecting them to meet the expectations of the one in power. This means tuning into the needs of others. Gentle Parenting sees ALL behavior as communicating a need. A need for connection, skill, autonomy, etc.
What tools does gentle parenting exclude?
This is not a comprehensive list but it does give an idea of the things that gentle parenting seeks not to use/do. Many of the tools are from a "doing to" way of thinking instead of a "working with" way of thing. In many ways, these tools seek to teach a lesson through shame and fear. In the future, I will go into more detail about each one of these things and more.
Time outs- being sent away or made to stay in a certain spot to think about what one has done or to be separated from "positive reinforcement"
Removal of privileges'- because you did x, I'm taking y from you and I decide when you get it back.
Rewards- If you do what I want I'll give you something in return
Imposed consequences/logical consequences - Similar to removal of privileges', You did x now z will happen to you to teach you never to do x again
Anything punitive/coercive
What tools does gentle parenting offer
Again this is not a comprehensive list but I hope it gives an idea of the things gentle parenting seeks to do. These tools seek to work with and meet the needs of everyone involved as best as possible. As above I will go into more detail about each of these and more.
Time in- an inviting environment where the child either sits alone (by choice) or with an adult to regulate emotions
Collaborative problem solving - working together to solve a problem
Non-violent communication - a way of communicating that seeks to meet everyone's needs in a compassionate non-judgmental way
Emotional coaching - sitting with and working through big emotions together
Play - this is an amazing tool for many things and is one that children are very receptive too
Natural consequences - these happen without anyone having to purposefully do anything.
I hope you now have a better understanding of what gentle parenting is. Remember this is the first of many articles. If you have any questions please feel free to ask. If you have any suggestions/ criticism I'd love to hear them.
